February 10, 2018

They countered the offer on the house. Sam is taking his sweet time in explaining it and making sure we are good – I think I will be, because Robert said he would loan me money. I could also ask Audra. The offer was 95k with them bringing 3k to closing for costs. I’m excited and nervous, mainly because Sam isn’t getting back to me.

Cameron isn’t coming over this weekend because of the bachelor party, and I’m not going over because I was told I couldn’t really hang out at it.. plus I have Ellie.. plus the roads are TERRIBLE. It has not stopped snowing.

Cam downloaded Guild Wars to play with me. He’s the best.

Ellie has been having some bathroom issues lately, which is a total bummer. Really reinforces the notion that I need wood floors throughout, though. 🙂

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February 8, 2018

It is like I knew what was coming last week. I literally wrote that a death would likely happen this year, and a few hours later I received a phone call from my mom that my grandpa had passed away. I was shocked. He was doing okay, I thought. Everyone thought.

I went home on Thursday and spent time with my extended family. My poor grandma. Saturday was the visitation, and Monday was the funeral. I was a pallbearer which was hard, mainly because I was in the front and seeing my grandma so torn apart. I feel for her so much. ❤

The house I was looking at fell through. Unfortunately.

January 31, 2018

I applied for a mortgage and was pre-approved! I’m looking at houses in the 100k range which isn’t GREAT, but it’s a start. I’ll get where I’m meant to 🙂

Doing this with Cameron is interesting. He wants to be super involved, and I understand that. I also want to be independent and do things on my own, but I suppose being patient will allow other options to come into focus. I just don’t like waiting.

Chris was hospitalized today so I had to leave work to go to the emergency room. I think he’s doing okay, though.

My grandpa is back at the doctor, too. Just lots of illness and likely death this year for my family. I’ve anticipated it for some time, though. It will still hurt.

January 21, 2018

I’m not starting this year off strong. I keep forgetting to write, sorry future self.

A lot has been happening in the family realm. My grandpa was hospitalized for a ruptured disc in his neck. He was doing fine until I left Portland. Apparently he is having quite the difficult time swallowing and my mom said he sounds like Kermit. I hope he will be okay.

My dad also had surgery for a hernia. Less severe, but still a surgery to stress over.

Work has been okay, just lots of drama from the student employees. I think they were used to the way the previous manager did things and I have to be a bit more strict. We will likely have to scale back the next trip because we are in the negatives right now and I want to try to remain in the positives or at least break even.

We have had a few students step down as well which is unfortunate, but I hope in time it will have proven effective for this group of students.

On the dating front, things are going well. Next week will mark our 6 months which is a bit weird to think about. I still think about Blake and Tyler every now and again, and Troye Sivan’s new song “The Good Side” made me think of Blake and how unfortunate everything has been in his life, but I think he’s happy now. Tyler made a video about a grindr guy saying he wasn’t as cute in person. *shrug* I can’t do anything about it.

Cam and I might move in together this summer. I suppose it makes sense but I’m worried that I’ll have to throw out things. Some of Tyler’s things. I think it makes sense, but I also have positive associations with these objects and throwing them out will hurt. Sometimes hurt is necessary, though. Cam shouldn’t be subjected to seeing something that belonged to my ex. I thought about texting Tyler and seeing if he’d want it back.

I want to be somewhere warm.

I feel like my meds make me numb to things – drinking, relationships, family. I just don’t care about anything, like I know that I should but I just don’t. Everything is temporary, including me. Why fret over expectations? They are temporary, too.

January 13, 2018

Things have been going pretty swell lately. I haven’t done a whole lot in 2018.

Work has been slow, which I’m thankful for. I’ve drafted a proposal to get a graduate intern at CSG. I think this will be helpful in implementing meetings and learning outcomes with more students which is always my jam.

Things with Cam have been good for the most part. He still has breakdowns, almost weekly. It’s a lot, but they last like 2 hours and then they are over. I don’t know what he’s going to be like with other things that arise – buying a house, children, all that jazz. I can’t have a partner that breaks down every week over some dumb shit.

My grandpa is in the hospital with some thing where his muscle is basically breaking down and poising the blood. He seems to be okay, they are going to do surgery soon. He should be taking better care of himself, along with my dad, but they just don’t care.

I messaged Tyler on instagram yesterday because he posted a boomerang of Joey. I miss Joey and watching him grow up 😦 I need more animals (but also no).

January 4, 2018

My sister stayed for the last night in her room yesterday. She is headed back to Lansing to live with Josh. I don’t get her reasoning for moving to Brighton other than love. Which, if she is in love with Josh then I’m happy for her. He seemed to treat her well when she was at the house, but I also think he uses her and her money.

I’ve been slightly insecure this week, I’m not sure why. I’m worried that maybe Cameron is better off without me and maybe he’s starting to realize it. Which is okay, he deserves to be happy. I just want to make him happy.

I’m trying to figure out my groove again, both financially and at work. I always want to leave early which is not good, I need to bring meaning to what I’m doing and I am trying my best but I actually cannot make what I want to do mandatory because it operates as a separate entity.

I want to hibernate until April.

 

January 1, 2018

I didn’t write a year-end blog so I’ll do that now.

I had a lot happen in 2017, a lot of good stuff actually.

  • I went to Florida for the first time
  • I saw Ariana Grande
  • I got Ellie
  • Tyler moved on forcing me to do so as well
  • I went to Ferndale Pride and Detroit Pride where I met Cameron
  • I met Jordan
  • I lost 25 pounds
  • I went to AAR and Dashboard with Anna
  • I celebrated my birthday at the Toledo Zoo with some of my favorite people
  • I started dating Cameron
  • I got a temp pay increase while working at Pierpont
  • I got a new job
  • I made it through my first stressful semester of the semester
  • I had a fun Halloween party
  • I had a fun NYE party
  • I made it through Trump’s first year as POTUS
  • I went to West Virginia & Denver with Cam

In looking towards next year, I think I only have a few major goals

  • Travel to a few more states (or places) I haven’t been to
  • Pay off a bit of my debt
  • Live this life

December 26, 2017

This weekend has been phenomenal.

Friday Cameron came over because I wanted to go to Aut Bar with friends and it sounded like we were going to – Matt, David, James, Rob, and Zach/Kris indicated they would. Then when we got there James and David said they were going to Necto, Zach/Kris bailed, Rob bailed, and Matt said he was headed to Necto with other people. It’s just annoying that when I make plans with people and they fall through, and then they get upset. Dumb.

Saturday we didn’t do much of anything at all. Cameron and I had a petty argument over him getting upset because I told him that he leaves the oven on just like his roommate Jon leaves the lights on. He started crying. I got annoyed.

Sunday we drove our cars to Cameron’s and then to my parents and spent time there. It was fun but different. My family just doesn’t get together as much anymore. After opening gifts and eating, Cameron and I headed back. It was weird because it started snowing even though we were not anticipating it. I had asked for it mentally but wasn’t expecting it. “Be careful what you wish for” is so real. The roads were AWFUL and Cam was going like 25 mph on the highway (he could have been going 40) so a 1.5 hour drive turned into 3. 😦

Monday we spent Christmas with his family. It was pretty fun granted that most of them are conservatives. I also don’t understand how Cameron emerged from that family without more issues. His mom is a lot and so is his oldest brother. I almost said something a few times but I’m too new.. lol.

Back to A2 today and just lounging. I need to go to Discount Tire to get my thing fixed.

December 17, 2017

This weekend was fabulous. I didn’t do anything with Cameron and it was perfect. I got a cold sore on Tuesday and it had me self conscious but Cam is great and fabulous.

Saturday, just for kicks, we went and got Cameron’s nose pierced. He had been wanting it for a while, but couldn’t afford it so I told him I’d get it for him. 🙂

Driving back from his place today I was thinking about how nervous I am that he is going to break my heart. He has given me no reason to think so, but I’m nervous anyhow.

Christmas is so soon! I cannot believe it.

December 11, 2017

This weekend was fun – I went to see Sasha with Cameron, James, David, and a few other people. It was packed and annoying, I really just like being at home or in a quieter place. We tried to meet her but the line was set up in a terrible way, and people kept cutting so eventually we just left.

Saturday we went to the gym and then to Portland for the Christmas party. It was stressful, just being around my family. I’m not sure why it stresses me out so much, but it does. Cameron could tell, and apparently he gets upset that I don’t ask how he’s doing after I have one of my stressful moments because it impacts him, too. Which is fair, but I also tell him when I’m upset, I’m not a mind reader.

Last week I sent both Blake and Tyler a “Happy holidays, hope all is well” text message. Tyler said, “Thanks you too” and Blake said nothing. I’m really irritated by his lack of response. Like super annoyed. Whatever, though.