June 29, 2017

I finished cleaning out the apartment yesterday, and I am dropping off the keys. I know I had already broken down about it, but actually closing that chapter on my life is weird.

I tried calling Blake to ask if he wanted certain things but he didn’t answer. He never texted me back either. I’m just kind of over it.

I unblocked Tyler on Insta today to see if he was miserable, but he’s not. Not that I truly want him to be, I just want him to realize how good he had it. Maybe, though, he didn’t. Breaking up creates so much self-doubt and I seriously question why people want to be with me. I understand that I’m cute, but that will fade and then nobody will want me.

I’m going to Saugatuck this weekend with Jordan, spending money that I don’t have. I know it is dumb. But whatever. Life is short. He’s going back to NYC soon, and I want to make sure I get to enjoy my time with him.

Things are going well with Cameron so far. I don’t want to jump the gun or anything, but I can see it turning into a relationship. Famous last words, right?

June 26, 2017

I have had the most excellent of weeks. I am so incredibly fortunate to have friends that love me, a cute boy that likes me, and a dog and cat that provide constant cuddles.

Thursday we went to Bill’s Beer Garden and enjoyed a few beverages. Jordan brought me the CUTEST freaking gift ever – a Pokemon mat that says Home Sweet Home. Anna had flowers delivered to me. James and Kevin got me a drink guide. Cam got me tickets to see the Drag Queens. Zach and Kris got me a Chili’s gift card. Matt got me.. nothing. lol.

Friday we went out but Cam and Anna wanted to leave early, so we did.

Saturday we (all minus Matt) went to the zoo. It was a beautiful day. Then James, Kevin, Anna, and Jordan came over and we played games all night. It was superb.

Sunday I just hung out with Cam. We moved more stuff from my old place, went to Tropical Smoothie, and went to the gym. It was nice.

I had to drop Ellie off today to get fixed. I almost teared up 😦

June 21, 2017

Tomorrow I turn 28, and I’m excited. Excited to leave this year in the past, but not to forget it and all that it has taught me. Breakups, heartbreaks, new friends, new job responsibilities. It’s been stressful, but I’m adjusting.

Lots of folks have come into my life, and quite a few have left it. If you believe in fate, each of those has a reason. Some folks are just crazy, sometimes I’m the crazy one. It’s okay as long as you recognize it.

I have been working at Pierpont for the week learning how to manage a building 🙂

Bill’s beer garden tomorrow / Necto Friday / Zoo on Saturday. It’s nice having friends.

June 12, 2017

I feel like I keep starting my blogs with “this was fun.” That’s a nice change of pace, right? Things aren’t terrible right now, they are pretty splendid.

Friday, I spent the evening with Jordan. We played a lot of Super Smash, went to dinner at a Chinese place, and then to Necto. It was chill. He’s a really awesome guy.

Saturday, I went to pride with Jordan, Zach, Kris, and Matt. We were there from 12:30 to around 8:30. It was pretty tiring but fun. Who doesn’t like drinking and spending time outside watching performances? I met Cameron and he gave us neat tattoos. I spent the majority of the time with Cam and Jordan, and it was pretty fun. We went to St. Andrews after and I think that was probably a mistake. I was tired.

When I drove Jordan back we sat and chatted for a bit. He told me how uncomfortable he was having to spend the day with Cameron, and basically being ignored. I’m kind of an awful person, but I was under the impression that we were just going to try the fwb things. I mean, he leaves at the end of the summer. If he didn’t, I would be incredibly interested.

Sunday I slept until 11, played Super Smash all day, and then went to Ferndale to meet up with Cam. We did dinner at One Eye’d Betty’s and then went to see Wonder Woman. The theater was actually pretty neat. It had reclining chairs so we got to cuddle a bit. He drove me back and then we kissed for a little bit. I left.

On the way home I was so nervous I was going to run out of gas. I could have stopped, sure, but I didn’t. lol

I don’t want to work this week.

June 5, 2017

This weekend was fun.

I went to Brooklyn’s dance recital on Saturday and got to spend time with my parents, Grant & Nicole, and Audra. Brooklyn was pretty cute in her one dance, but I was bummed that it was one of twenty-two dances.. lol. We went to Grant’s work afterward and had lunch.

I drove to pride in Ferndale after to meet Zach and Matt. We had lots of fun.

Sunday I went to the gym, went to Lowe’s with Anna’s, helped Anna move some of her furniture, went to David’s to check out the place and talk about paints, then we rushed back to meet Zach. Zach and I went to Gallup to walk Ellie, then to Kroger to get dinner. After that I went to meet Jordan at Raven’s club. He’s pretty cute and nice, but moving back to NYC soon.

=]

May 29, 2017

I go back to work tomorrow, and I’m okay with that. This weekend has been pretty slow. I took Friday off, so it was a four day weekend.

Friday I did a lot of shopping (and walking). I went to Potbelly’s for lunch, then Marshall’s, then Old Navy, then finally Five Below. I went to dinner with Troy and Val which was nice. After dinner we ran back to my place for like two seconds before going to Glasshouse to watch RuPaul. After Glasshouse we went to James’ for his birthday, then Necto.

James’ mom is the absolute most. Talking about killing anyone that hurt James – which is sweet in a way, I guess. Then talking about how she gave head to people to get out of drunk driving tickets and shit. Mess. James cried a few times because of his mom and her friend being there. Apparently the asswipe gave him unwanted sexual attention 😦

Troy stayed the night and we attempted to have sex but there was just too much going on. I want to try again, though.

Saturday I went home for a hot second to visit family. I went garage saling with my parents which was fun. I got some random shit that I probably didn’t need, but I don’t care. I left Ellie there, not for my wellbeing but for hers. I think it’s good to get out and get some fresh air, honestly. I’m kind of missing the bundle of energy. I came back and didn’t do much at all.

Sunday I went to the gym, and then went to Zach’s house. I swear he has the perfect life. His family is so sweet, and his house is really nice and there seems to be a complete lack of drama which I envy. His aunts were really nice, too. I came back around 730 and went to get drinks/food with David in Ypsi.

Today I didn’t wake up until 10am which was nice. I went to the gym, made bacon, did laundry, went for a run/walk with David, and then got some ice cream with David. My legs were TIRED. I passed out for a two hour nap which was really nice. I went to see Baywatch this evening, too. It was okay, I guess.

Work tomorrow 🙂

May 24, 2017

I thought the interview went really well. I truly did. I haven’t heard a peep from the office, though. Truly, I would like my reimbursement for gas.

I visited Troy on Sunday at work, which I thought was cute. I’m having second thoughts, and now every time I have second thoughts I start to think that Isaac was right. I don’t think he was, though. When selecting someone you want to build something with, it’s important that you’re not compromising your beliefs.

My hesitations with Troy:

  • He’s 21 and we know how well that worked out for me last time
  • He is kind of immature – posting pill and weed things to social media. I’d be embarrassed if he were my boyfriend and my friends/family/coworkers looked at his social media.
  • He has an Angela. Someone that completely mooches off of him and takes advantage of him.

I really like him, though. He’s a total sweetheart. I’ve just been really critical as of late. Maybe it’s a self-defense mechanism.

I’ve been sick since Monday. My throat hurts and I’ve been super achey.

May 16, 2017

I wasn’t sure if I had written about my interview, but I haven’t! So I will.

I left work at 3:00 on Thursday and arrived promptly around 6:00 pm (7 our time). I went to Noodles ETC which is different than Noodles & Company. The service was fantastic and the food was pretty good.

I spent the evening watching Swamp People and prepping for the interview. I fell asleep at like 8:30 CST.

I woke up in the morning pretty early. There was a cockroach on the floor which was kind of gross. I looked up what cockroaches can signify. “This creature can thrive at any place wherever their survival can be feasible.” Kind of appropriate, right? I spent the rest of the morning prepping, had breakfast, and then I suited up.

I think the interview overall went quite well. Matt pointed out that I wrote Colorado on my cover letter. Whoops. I spent the first hour with the CPO staff, then I interviewed with partners, and finished up with students. The tour I went on with a student was pretty neat. The campus is gorgeous. Then I met the Dean that wrote that there are no safe spaces at UChicago lol. Great guy.

After I got out of the interview I pulled out my phone and saw that I had missed calls from my family. I was like, greaaaat. My dad had to go to the ER because his nerves were popping out of his spine. Basically what I feared about moving to Chicago happened, something around my family…

Afterward, I went to Jimmy’s apartment. It was easy enough to navigate to. We hung out and then went to Roscoe’s, DS Tequila (where I went with Blake and Tyler), and some other bar. We watched RuPaul which was pretty cool, and I got to see Sasha Velour perform 🙂

We went back to his place and he was pretty touchy which made me uncomfortable. I woke up and talked to my mom. She said they were at the ER and they were still waiting on whether or not my dad was going to need a surgery. Apparently, he had also fallen over a few times. With that, I decided to go home.

Driving back SUCKED. Construction and traffic made it terrible. Around Battle Creek my mom told me they were going to do surgery in a week, so I could have stayed but with touchy mcgee I wasn’t upset about leaving.

I went to aut bar later with Kevin and James, and eventually Troy came. It was nice spending time with him. He stayed the night. He’s so cute and a perfect gentleman (thus far). He took me to breakfast in the morning. I am hesitant about him being 21, but I’m going with the flow. We will see.

I’m selling the couches tonight. Woo?

May 11, 2017

I have an interview tomorrow. I’m pretty excited. I’m nervous for a few reasons. The first being that I suck at interviews. I always come in second. I need to be more confident or something. The second being I’m not sure that I am ready to move, or that I want to.

I’ve been miserable for the past year but I think that’s for a few reasons, too.

  1. I haven’t been able to get over Tyler – that’s changed. More will be written below about this lol
  2. I felt like the past nine years of my life were staged around Blake, and not my own making. This isn’t true, it’s just easy to believe. I have great friends here, a solid job, and it’s small and comfy.
  3. Because I felt like my life was staged around Blake, I thought that Ann Arbor isn’t what I wanted. Is that true? I’m not sure.

So, I’ll go to UChicago and interview. I’ll either be great, or I’ll suck. Regardless, I’m planning on having a lovely weekend in Chicago. Maybe I’ll find a cute boyfriend or at least someone to kiss.

I’m kind of annoyed with Tyler and Blake, to be honest. I asked Blake for coffee and he just didn’t respond. I think I would respect a “No” more than a non-response, but maybe it’s too difficult for him. Tyler is seeing some guy that lives in Boston. Remember how he didn’t want to do long distance?

Capture

Apparently, that is no longer the case.

I deserve someone that will make me a priority. Someone that doesn’t treat me second best. Someone that is emotionally stable. Someone that is funny and likes my friends. That someone is clearly not Blake or Tyler and I realize that now.

May 8, 2017

I have lived under the illusion that I want to live close to my family my entire life. There are perks, for sure. In case the inevitable happens and one of them ends up in the hospital, or if I need a dog sitter. Other than that? I’m not sure. I don’t go home often.

I mean I have a credit card. I can find a kennel.

My family makes me sad sometimes. I know of families that are super close, and we used to be. I’m just not anymore.

I have an interview on Friday, and I just feel like everyone is always so preoccupied with my sister, or my brother and his child. I feel a bit ignored, but what is new? I’ve always been the least attended child, and maybe that’s why I’m not like my brother and sister.

I don’t mean to have a pity party. My family is a group of great people. They just have lots of troubles, and it stresses me out.

I thought I’d be rich, but then I decided to pursue student affairs. lolol