June 20, 2018

Friday marks my last birthday in my twenties. I wasn’t even thinking about it until my mom just asked me if I was doing okay. Cameron asks me all the time, and I think I just autopilot to yes. I don’t know if I am. I haven’t done an actual mental check in quite some time. I feel.. like.. stunted, I guess? My sister is having a child soon, and my brother is getting married. Me? I’m just now reaching one year with Cameron, which is great and everything.. but.. I’m almost thirty. I.. I thought that maybe I would have accomplished more. I make less thank 50k a year, I have a tiny home that is still in disrepair and has a garage full of shit, and no children, no husband.

Now, to be fair.. I have a home. I have a cat, and a dog. I have friends. A beautiful boyfriend. Family that supports me, even though we argue. I just.. “no big deal.. I want more.” Which, I know, super greedy. Children are being taken away from their families at the border, and I’m here whining about entering my final year in my twenties.

My students joke about me being forty five, which.. is like.. funny.. but I think that it is maybe subconsciously impacting me. Life is so short. I’m low-key / high-key worried that because I waited so long to have kids that they won’t get to have the awesome relationship with my parents that I had hoped. Adoption can take forever.

Sigh. Here’s hoping that I can make it a memorable year, and that life looks favorably upon me.

Thoughts and prayers for Paul C’s mother.

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June 11, 2018

Happy birthday, Karen! I hope she’s doing well. She looks happy on Facebook, which I’m happy for. I hope Blake’s doing well, too.

I had a nice weekend. I went to see Sharon Needles with Cameron on Friday, it was kind of unplanned. It was pretty fun. James told Cameron that he should be aware of me, though in regards to Patrick. I asked James about it and he said it was in regards to Nick. I’m very confused. I talk to them both, but nothing too explicit. I mean, I’ve told Patrick he’s cute.. but? I don’t know. It’s getting in Cameron’s head, especially after he was just getting over the Patrick stuff. Irritating.

Saturday we went to Portland for the ten year reunion. It was okay, people stayed in their same cliques. I left first, I think. I was also the first there, so I don’t particularly care. We left and were going to hang out with Tristan but the weather was garbage and the kayaking/tubing wouldn’t have been possible on Sunday which is okay.

I think I’m done reaching out and talking to people for a while. Let them talk to me if they want.

June 7, 2018

So much has happened since I last wrote. I’m trying to gauge where I’m at.

Currently, I’m eating salad and vegetarian chik’n nuggets. I have been eating garbage for the past few days.

This past weekend was interesting.

Friday I went to Ypsi Pride with Cameron and Ellie. We got down in front of an ice cream shop and this couple bent down and was talking about how mischievous small dogs can be. As soon as those words left their mouth, Ellie got loose from her collar and took off. I chased her around a vendor, down to main stage, down the bus stop and then down another road but was winded and couldn’t keep going. Luckily, Cameron kept going and was able to save her ❤ Knight in shining armor. Then he got a freaking air conditioner for the house ❤ ❤

Saturday was a whirlwind. Cam and I drove up to GR for Brooklyn’s dance recital. We drove back, hung out for a hot second and then headed to Matt’s going away party. I didn’t even want to go and thought it was flat out stupid he planned it on Pride, but he guilted me into it anyhow. We stayed for 20 minutes and then went to meet Tristan. We caught up with him and went to Rosie’s where we got a few drinks. Sam ended up showing up with random guys. Him and Tristan made out, and then met us later with Cameron and his friends. It was nice and chill, but Sam was falling over. He went back to his car with his friends and then ended up coming back. Apparently he did coke with them even though it was his first time meeting them -_- then he needed to go back to his car so I walked him. He cried about his sister dying last year, and wanted to stay in his car and then leave but I took the keys from him because I didn’t trust him. We went back to the place where Cam and his friends were and then headed back to Pride. Sam ended up disappearing because we stopped for a second to talk to other friends. We got to Rosie’s and then I get a text saying he’s leaving so I try to catch him before his uber leaves because his phone is at 1%. I literally ran. I couldn’t find him, but then I get a phone call later from one of the guys he was with saying I need to bring him his keys. I told him no and was super fucking pissed. Cameron took the phone and told Sam to come and then he eventually did. My whole pride was taken up trying to take care of Sam. Annoying.

Sunday we didn’t do a whole lot. We finished painting the other room.

I’m currently trying to finish painting the base board so I can use it again.

May 28, 2018

This was to be a relaxing and enjoyable long weekend. I took Thursday and Friday off to relax, was to go to my aunt’s house, hang with a friend, then with Cameron’s family.

Thursday I went to Cameron’s house early so we could enjoy the evening, but he got back to his apartment at four and then had to go get his haircut. He ended up not getting back until like 6/630, and then he needed to snack even though I was starving. We went to this local bar and they ended up not having drink menus, the service was not great. All I wanted was to kick off the weekend with a fun buzzed dinner but that did not happen.

Friday we left bright and early for Audra’s. The drive wasn’t awful. We got there and the mattress she usually had was put up and we were expected to sleep on a deflating air mattress. Needless to say, we deflated it and slept on the floor. Cameron was being prissy about the pillows and blankets because of his allergies and what not.

Saturday he was kind of grumpy because he didn’t sleep well. We ended up leaving at 4pm. I thought it might be fun to go out and do something once we got to his place, but he said no. So, we spent Saturday night on his bed watching TV.

Sunday we went to the gym, got Ellie’s haircut, and then went to Tristan’s party. It was fun! I got far too intoxicated, but that’s okay. After we went to Soho which was also enjoyable. Patrick ended up accidentally sending me a dick pic and so I felt obligated to tell Cameron which was maybe not the greatest decision on my end. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. I truly believe it was an accident, but it threw Cameron down a weird spiral. Oh well.

Today was so long. We went to his parent’s house to hang out with his parents and sisters. They were all doing yard work / other duties. His mom made a weird comment about how she didn’t feel sorry that I had to drive back to Ypsi after. Made me kinda mad. His brother that didn’t invite me to the wedding showed up and tried to be all nice and play with my dog, but never apologized. Dinner was like 2 hours later than what I thought it was going to be. I had to drive home after we got back to Cameron’s. So much gas this weekend :/

So, in closing, it was a fine weekend. It wasn’t the weekend I had hoped for, but that’s okay. I’m definitely out of the honeymoon phase in our relationship and all of his emotions and annoyances are starting to weigh heavy on me.

May 23, 2018

What has been new in my world. Hm.

Cameron had lots of emotions last week. Like, a lot. He got really drunk at the club on Friday and just disappeared at one moment – hello flashback to Blake. I ended up finding him dancing next to Alvaro lol. He got really upset after and cried pretty much the entire way home which was a lot..

He also just has very strong opinions about a lot of things around the house, which is cool and stuff but like.. I want to make decisions about MY house. So that’s frustrating. He also makes comments about my finances which is frustrating and makes me second guess myself. I mean, I know he is flustered with the job search but he needs to calm the fuck down.. for both our sakes.

Work has been pretty chill. Something lawsuit, something something.

I’m excited for this weekend! Audra’s on Friday/Saturday, Tristan’s on Sunday, and Cam’s on Monday. Woot!

May 15, 2018

Lots has happened, kind of.

I had chatted with Tyler for a hot second. He’s doing well, perhaps moving to Michigan or Colorado. He is seeing someone from Michigan which is funny. Funny in that, it’s dumb because he didn’t want to continue things with me because of distance but both of the past two guys have been far. Like, if you didn’t love me just say that. K?

It doesn’t matter anyways because I have the most amazing boyfriend. He’s so sweet and supportive. He’s still emotional a lot, but we work through it. He’s sexy and nerdy, I really lucked out. He brought up 3somes last weekend because he’s been more intrigued by them lately. I’m not sure what to make of it, I’m happy but nervous. I don’t want to go down the same road I’ve been down but exploring new things with him is exciting.

Next weekend is Memorial Day and I can’t believe it. I think I’m going to try to go to see Audra, and then to a party with Tristan, and then spending time with Cameron’s family. It should be relaxing and fun.

May 6, 2018

I did so much this weekend with Cameron. We were going to go see Shangela on Friday but then we got caught up in Dear White People which I’m not mad about. Sam mentioned he would come up but not if we went to Necto, but then flaked anyways.

Saturday we did so many things! We cut the lawn, raked it, ripped up some plants, bought a fireplace and wood, and then had a fire with Jake & Anna. It was nice 🙂

Today I didn’t do too much. I went to an estate sale with Cameron which was nice, but we didn’t get anything.

May 3, 2018

The school year is over. Thank goodness. Our office has also moved locations and I’m quite partial to the new one – we are close to Bdubs, Starbucks, all that jazz. 🙂

My first mortgage payment was due on the first which was weird. I have a mortgage. All my bills are paid but I’m broke. I can’t wait until I no longer owe Robert that money, then I can start making money moves again. :p I mean, I’m still putting money in my savings, and some into an IRA. I’m ahead of the game, I think.

Cameron will be moving in soon which is really nice and will be helpful in terms of rent. Johnny was supposed to move in but backed out.. surprise. I asked Grayson but I don’t think he wants to live in Michigan.

Life is strange, I can’t believe I’m where I’m at.

April 18, 2018

Things have been going so quickly. So, so quickly. I moved the majority of my stuff into the house this weekend with Cameron. We painted and put mud on the walls on Saturday, and then he left. Sunday I had a retreat with my new group of students and that went pretty well. It sucked having to work on the weekend, but that’s okay. I took Monday afternoon off / flexed from Sunday and finished painting the bedroom because I didn’t sleep well at all Sunday night.

Speaking of Sunday night, Ellie kept me up all night because she kept hearing things. At 3:30 a.m. there was a cat or something making some awful noise outside. Just lots of creepy things which helped me find motivation to finish my room on Monday.

Yesterday (Tuesday) I stayed home because my body hurt so much. Still pretty achey this morning, but I’m at work. I needed to finish a few things. I might go see a movie tonight.

April 9, 2018

Over the past week we have done quite a bit of work at the house.

Monday and Tuesday I started painting the living room. Wednesday I bought new drywall. Thursday my dad and Josh put in the drywall in the main room. Friday we put it in the other room. Saturday I sanded the floors with Cameron and then we stained them. Sunday we put polyurethane on it. Today I will put the second coat on it. Woo.

Work has finally started to settle down (I hope). We have certified results, which is stellar.

Money is tight, but I feel like it probably will be until July.