January 21, 2018

I’m not starting this year off strong. I keep forgetting to write, sorry future self.

A lot has been happening in the family realm. My grandpa was hospitalized for a ruptured disc in his neck. He was doing fine until I left Portland. Apparently he is having quite the difficult time swallowing and my mom said he sounds like Kermit. I hope he will be okay.

My dad also had surgery for a hernia. Less severe, but still a surgery to stress over.

Work has been okay, just lots of drama from the student employees. I think they were used to the way the previous manager did things and I have to be a bit more strict. We will likely have to scale back the next trip because we are in the negatives right now and I want to try to remain in the positives or at least break even.

We have had a few students step down as well which is unfortunate, but I hope in time it will have proven effective for this group of students.

On the dating front, things are going well. Next week will mark our 6 months which is a bit weird to think about. I still think about Blake and Tyler every now and again, and Troye Sivan’s new song “The Good Side” made me think of Blake and how unfortunate everything has been in his life, but I think he’s happy now. Tyler made a video about a grindr guy saying he wasn’t as cute in person. *shrug* I can’t do anything about it.

Cam and I might move in together this summer. I suppose it makes sense but I’m worried that I’ll have to throw out things. Some of Tyler’s things. I think it makes sense, but I also have positive associations with these objects and throwing them out will hurt. Sometimes hurt is necessary, though. Cam shouldn’t be subjected to seeing something that belonged to my ex. I thought about texting Tyler and seeing if he’d want it back.

I want to be somewhere warm.

I feel like my meds make me numb to things – drinking, relationships, family. I just don’t care about anything, like I know that I should but I just don’t. Everything is temporary, including me. Why fret over expectations? They are temporary, too.

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January 13, 2018

Things have been going pretty swell lately. I haven’t done a whole lot in 2018.

Work has been slow, which I’m thankful for. I’ve drafted a proposal to get a graduate intern at CSG. I think this will be helpful in implementing meetings and learning outcomes with more students which is always my jam.

Things with Cam have been good for the most part. He still has breakdowns, almost weekly. It’s a lot, but they last like 2 hours and then they are over. I don’t know what he’s going to be like with other things that arise – buying a house, children, all that jazz. I can’t have a partner that breaks down every week over some dumb shit.

My grandpa is in the hospital with some thing where his muscle is basically breaking down and poising the blood. He seems to be okay, they are going to do surgery soon. He should be taking better care of himself, along with my dad, but they just don’t care.

I messaged Tyler on instagram yesterday because he posted a boomerang of Joey. I miss Joey and watching him grow up 😦 I need more animals (but also no).

January 4, 2018

My sister stayed for the last night in her room yesterday. She is headed back to Lansing to live with Josh. I don’t get her reasoning for moving to Brighton other than love. Which, if she is in love with Josh then I’m happy for her. He seemed to treat her well when she was at the house, but I also think he uses her and her money.

I’ve been slightly insecure this week, I’m not sure why. I’m worried that maybe Cameron is better off without me and maybe he’s starting to realize it. Which is okay, he deserves to be happy. I just want to make him happy.

I’m trying to figure out my groove again, both financially and at work. I always want to leave early which is not good, I need to bring meaning to what I’m doing and I am trying my best but I actually cannot make what I want to do mandatory because it operates as a separate entity.

I want to hibernate until April.

 

January 1, 2018

I didn’t write a year-end blog so I’ll do that now.

I had a lot happen in 2017, a lot of good stuff actually.

  • I went to Florida for the first time
  • I saw Ariana Grande
  • I got Ellie
  • Tyler moved on forcing me to do so as well
  • I went to Ferndale Pride and Detroit Pride where I met Cameron
  • I met Jordan
  • I lost 25 pounds
  • I went to AAR and Dashboard with Anna
  • I celebrated my birthday at the Toledo Zoo with some of my favorite people
  • I started dating Cameron
  • I got a temp pay increase while working at Pierpont
  • I got a new job
  • I made it through my first stressful semester of the semester
  • I had a fun Halloween party
  • I had a fun NYE party
  • I made it through Trump’s first year as POTUS
  • I went to West Virginia & Denver with Cam

In looking towards next year, I think I only have a few major goals

  • Travel to a few more states (or places) I haven’t been to
  • Pay off a bit of my debt
  • Live this life