I have toyed with the idea of writing you a letter/email for a while now, but it’s been too painful. I think I am finally to a place where I can now. I just have a few points that I want to make sure are known to you.
First, you were one of the best things to happen to me. I realize that the circumstances under which we became close are very strange but I consider myself incredibly lucky to have met you. You took on a lot more than you should have during that relationship, and I think it might have made you grow up a bit faster than you were hoping for. I leaned on you when dealing with the Blake stuff, and I’m sure that was difficult.
Second, I’m so sorry for trying to make you something that you weren’t. Reflecting on it, I’ll take responsibility for it but I will attribute it a bit towards being in a relationship with Blake since the age of 18. We had grown together and had weird expectations that are common of teenagers. I’m deeply regretful of trying to make you do sexual things with us when you weren’t wanting to. Additionally, the lack of time spent with your friends I think is indicative of my emotional dependence and so I apologize for throwing that upon you.
Third, I’m still deeply in love with you. Your goofiness and easy going nature. I definitely miss you “catting.” With that being said I’m finally getting to a place where I can start getting to know other guys without feeling guilty. I don’t think I will ever stop loving you, but I am and will continue to learn to adjust to a life without you.
Lastly, I am so incredibly proud of you. I’m a bit jealous, if we are being honest, of your willingness to plunge head first into your dreams. Moving across the country at such a young age, away from family and your support system, must have been incredibly difficult and yet you are thriving (or so it looks like from your Insta posts). I’ve toyed with the idea of moving to Chicago or Denver, but I think that just comes from a discontent I have with my life and the way things have played out. I’ll be better with time, I’m sure.
I don’t think I can manage being friends with you because of my feelings for you, but I just needed to get these things out. I realize now that we are in completely different places, and that you will inevitably change from age 22 to 28. Our life goals are quite different, but I respect yours entirely and the courage you have taken to pursue them.
I wish you the best of luck in Seattle! Know that the man you end up with is an incredibly lucky guy.