March 30, 2017

Things that I have to come to understand in my short twenty seven years here on Earth:

Life sometimes deals you an unfair hand, that doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed anything.

I’ve learned this from growing up in a fairly low-income household. I learned first hand that even though you’re an innocent kid, that doesn’t stop life from throwing a shit storm at you. Is it fair for children to grow up in a house without heat or electricity from time to time? Yes, I’m aware of the privilege that also comes with that statement. Just because you have to go to bed with extra blankets and get creative warming up water for a shower doesn’t mean that life owes you anything. Does being cheated on by your boyfriend of nine years guarantee that you will find love and happiness with a new man? Not necessarily.

You are not entitled to anything simply because life be depressing. With that being said, we should recognize that some are less fortunate than others. I’m not saying that an individual’s life sucks 365 days out of the year, but sometimes we go through incredibly rough patches in our lives. Perhaps we lose someone that meant a lot to us, or we lost a job. Maybe someone that meant a lot to us treats us like shit, maybe the job we have is fucking us over. There are infinite possibilities around why someone can be having a shitty day, week, month. We are not entitled to anything, but let’s recognize that. Let’s own the shit that they are going through, and be supportive in whatever that looks like for them.

You should do what is best for you at all points in your life.

Recognize though that you may be considered an ass, dick, bitch, whatever derogatory word of your liking, at times. If there is one constant in life it is change. Things end, and that’s not necessarily a terrible thing but it can be at the moment it is happening. Whether that thing be a life, a relationship, a job. Knowing that these things happen, you should be vigilant in pursuing what is in your best interests throughout your life.

It is so easy to get comfortable in a relationship and expect that to be it. Some imagine celebrating the sixty year relationship that some couples are fortunate, perhaps not, enough to have. Well while blissfully, maybe ignorantly, getting on with the relationship it is easy to overlook opportunities that present themselves. Relationships certainly require sacrifice, and if that is your prerogative then I think you can consider that what is best for you at that point in your life. I do ask you to think pessimistically for a second, though. If the relationship ended in a year or two, would you still be comfortable with the decision that you made for your relationship? If you can stand by it, so be it but I believe that often we make the easier choice out of comfort and that can lead to regret down the road.

Relationships require a lot of work, and without proper maintenance they can wilt when folks move away.

Living in a college town there are constant goodbyes. Goodbyes to students, to colleagues that leave for better positions, to friends that move across the country for love or family. I can’t say that I make maintaining friendships as seriously as I should, but I think that the reasoning has to do with prioritizing what is best for me. Having a solid support system whose shoulder I can cry on, or go out and be social with is incredibly important to me. That is not to say my friends that have moved away are not a solid support system, I just fail at maintaining them. It takes time and dedication, and I value what time I have to either spend with folks in person or to be alone and re-energize my introverted soul.

I have had best friends move across the country, like folks that I would talk to all day everyday. As time passed we started talking less and less. They get busy, you get busy. Families pop up. It is part of life. That’s not to say that you cannot properly maintain a long distance friendship, shit people are in relationships on opposite coasts. It just takes a solid amount of work, and you need to ask yourself whether or not that is something you want to prioritize.

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