January 24, 2017

Life is intense, awesome, sad, happy, everything. We are so fortunate to be able to experience so many emotions.

I hung out with Tyler on Sunday. We went for bubble tea, but it was closed. We ended up going to Starbucks. We sat down and chatted a bit. I expressed that I still had feelings for him, and that being single has been good for me. I’ve learned to start living in Ann Arbor instead of just existing. I’ve learned the importance of having a friend group.

Afterwards we went to the arb to walk around which was really nice. After a quick jaunt around we went back to my apartment. In the parking lot I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me that he didn’t have feelings for me anymore, and then Adele’s “Water under the bridge” came on. It was weird.

We went inside and watched Chewing Gum. He told me he still had feelings for me, but that he doesn’t think his personal journey is over yet. We kissed and then cuddled. It felt so normal. I asked him if I should move on, and he said yes. I started crying and said that I didn’t want to. He hugged me tight. I walked him to his car and kissed him goodbye. Wished him safe travels.

I have no ill will towards him. I understand he has to do what is best for him, I just wish that I was what was best for him. I’m not super sad, though. I think the Wellbutrin is helping stabilize my moods. I will be okay. I’m cute and a catch. I have to move on.

I went to see Shaun King last night (Monday). He was incredible to hear from. I was very fortunate to be able to attend. He talked about how progress in humanity isn’t linear, it ebbs and flows. The quality of humanity typically dips after the introduction of an innovation, and he pointed to the end of slavery and the civil rights movement and now a black president. He said that we are heading into a dip because of this innovation, and that we are living in a historic period which is hard to understand.

Phoebe is just staring at me like a weirdo. kbai

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