December 31, 2016

The end of a very long year. I’m excited to celebrate its finale with those that I care about. There has been a lot of sadness, and a little bit of joy.

  • I went to Chicago, Toronto, Seattle, Cincinatti, and New York City. Exploring new places is always fun.
  • My dad was hospitalized for a blockage in his carotid. Thankfully he is alright now.
  • My sister was hospitalized with a very high blood sugar level and they found out she was diabetic. Thankfully she is still with us.
  • Tyler decided he wanted to move to Seattle, and did so.
  • Blake told me that he had cheated on me. We tried to make things work, but we just couldn’t. We broke up in August.
  • We lost Blake’s dad. We had lost both of his grandfathers.
  • I finished my Master’s degree.
  • I went to Seattle to try to win Tyler back, but it didn’t work.
  • I met lots of friends: Jason, Matt, James, Kevin
  • I rekindled old friendships: Anna and Mae
  • I’m still figuring out what it is I want with my life

It’s been a stressful year, and honestly I’m concerned for 2017 because 2007 was so rough. That being said, being at the bottom helps you appreciate when you’re not there.

 

December 30, 2016

I’ve been feeling great all week. I think this is what I needed. As much as I love Johnny, I think I’m glad that I’ve been alone all week because it has allowed me to recharge all of my batteries. hah.

I hung out with Anna, David, and David’s friend on Wednesday at trivia. Then Matt, Anna, and James came over and we played video games. It was fun. 🙂

Thursday I got to hang out with Inga which was fun. We played trivia at Ashley’s. lol. I saw Josh L. Haven’t seen him since undergrad. So cute. *swoon*

Today I didn’t do a whole lot. I went to the gym, and then I picked up Karla from the train. I’m going to Glasshouse Brewery in a bit with David, Anna, and Matt. Should be a good time.

December 27, 2016

I’ve been doing pretty well for the past few days. I think my body was just fighting the cold sore virus, and the fact that it popped up relieved the stress from my body. I have been less tired, which is nice.

Johnny hasn’t been home at all. I don’t know how people live alone. Kind of weird.

Fiona just said “I jump from relationship to relationship without ever catching my breath, maybe that’s why my life is such a mess.” Not that I’ve been in a relationship, but the pursuit of such things can definitely feel the same.

I’m debating on whether or not I want to go get a reflexology treatment.

December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas!

Overall, I had a very nice Christmas. I went home yesterday to spend time with the family, which was nice. We went out and looked at the lights in Ionia, much like we did when we were younger. I need to figure out my life because I keep taking 2-3 hour naps at night.. and I know that it’s because of my depression, but it kept me up until like 1:30 this morning. Then we woke up pretty early, so I was tired all day.. so I took a nap.. it’s a vicious cycle. lol.

I got my mom a cupcake holder, my dad a radio, my sister make-up and revitalift, and Grant/Nicole a kitchen mixer. They all seemed to enjoy their gifts, which is nice. I received my fitbit scale from the parentals, Cate made me TMNT Christmas bulbs, a gift card for Amazon, and gift cards for iTunes. A pretty nice day overall.

My depression keeps getting worse, I think. Also, this year was just pretty rough. Blake, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and Todd are all not around. Life sucks sometimes.

I think I’m going to talk to my doctor about switching medicines, scaling back, or increasing the dosage. I know some medications can make things worse, but this one has helped my anxiety.

 

December 23, 2016

Fuck Tyler, and I will not write about him again. I expected a response and he just ignored me.. and so I was like.. “point taken.” Then he launches into how I have mood swings and he isn’t interested at all other than friends. FUCK. HIM. FUCK. BOY.

He is a hollow shell anyways. He might be a nice guy, but he’s fucking boring.. insecure.. and stupid.

Moving on.

I had a great time last night with Zach and Rob. Rob is quirky and intelligent, and he seems very nice and fun. I had breakfast this morning with David.. who is super hot and nice.. but doesn’t talk a whole lot.

Isaac continues to be a lot. All the time.

 

December 22, 2016

I have a great support system. Like, an incredible one. Everyone cares deeply about me, and that’s honestly the greatest Christmas present I could ask for. I’ll always love Tyler, but as my sister said that even though I don’t want to block him.. “To keep coming and fucking with your life and feelings.”

I got drinks with Robert last night. It was so nice seeing him. 🙂

December 20, 2016

Life is funny. Although Tyler, Blake, and I all went our separate ways we each have a cat named after a Friends character now. I have Phoebe (where it all started), Tyler got Joey, and now Blake has Ursula (Phoebe’s sister in the show).

My mom sent me this link about communication styles, and I think it accurately represents me:

Nurturers like to express themselves, especially among groups of close friends and colleagues. Easy-going, accepting, friendly, they make things more fun for others because they enjoy themselves so much. They’re the ones people turn to for news about other people. They like to join in social activities. Their enthusiasm and cooperation make them good at intervening between different people or groups. Because they tend to avoid conflicts, Nurturers may take on more tasks than they can handle, and thus miss deadlines.

For this style to communicate more effectively:

Explain the logic behind your thinking.
Manage your time carefully, don’t over-commit.
Look for negatives, not just positives, when weighing options

I think that the overcommitting thing is accurate. I talked about it last week with Samantha. I have just been feeling too scattered, and perhaps that’s because I’ve become used to a lack of work in my job. Other folks are always free, but it seems like I always have something on my plate. That’s okay, though. I think back to when I worked in the call center. Jesus. lol

 

December 18, 2016

Tomorrow is the day. The day that Trump becomes our next president. It’s, as he would say, “unpresidented.” xD hah.

I’m not a princess, this isn’t a fairytale.

I think I’m done with Necto. It’s always a mess. There is always drama between Matt and freaking Jason, Jason’s boyfriend is always a toolbag, I always end up getting too intoxicated and sending texts that I regret (usually to Tyler).

Last night I went to William’s, which was fine. Kind of boring. I just didn’t want to be rude and not show up, and it’s a good thing because me and Johnny were the only people invited apparently.. wtf. Like, don’t say it’s a party if it’s a small gathering of friends. I got dressed up for nothing. lol.

I fucked up my foot at the gym yesterday while running so I think today I’m just going to do arms and back. I think I’d also like to avoid playing video games for a while, just to shift my attention elsewhere.. to friends, reading, working out. We will see.

Truth Slap

 

If a man doesn’t call you it’s because he doesn’t want to call you. If he doesn’t invite you to go out it’s because he doesn’t want to see you. If he treats you like shit, it’s because he doesn’t care. If he lets go, it’s because he doesn’t want to be with you. When a man says, “I’m not ready, but you are the love of my life and the only one I want, but now is not the right time”, it’s simply because he doesn’t want you. Don’t keep playing on his confusing games. Don’t justify him. When a man wants to be with a woman, he stays with her without lies, excuses and complications. Stop being genuine and naive. Stop justifying his every excuse and put yourself first. You do not need someone that doesn’t know what they want. You do not need someone that doesn’t see your worth. You deserve a man that knows your worth and fights for you everyday. Stop breaking your own heart for someone who probably won’t even be as good as you expect. Give yourself an opportunity to be happy and be with someone who actually deserves you.

December 13, 2016

What’s your vision? What’s your passion? What’s your mission? How did you arrive at these decisions?

What’s your passion? What’s your mission? How did you arrive at these decisions?

What’s your mission? How did you arrive at these decisions?

How did you arrive at these decisions?

Are some folks just driven towards greatness where others are content where they are?

Is contentment where you are better than striving to be somewhere that you may never be?

I’ve adjusted my sails, but I have no destination. How can I arrive if I don’t know where I’m going?