This weekend wasn’t too busy. I honestly didn’t do a whole lot.
Saturday we went to aut and hung out with a few folks. Clayton from high school came down and hung out. Kenny was there, too. He was a mess and we ended up giving him a ride home because I was concerned for his well-being.
We did things with Clayton. I suppose that’s a step forward in getting over Tyler. I wasn’t really feeling it, and then Clayton proceeded to tell me that he used to have a huge crush on me so that just made me feel uncomfortable. I’m not sure why I used to want other folks in addition to Tyler. I like to flirt, and look.. but anything beyond kissing isn’t necessary.
I’m avoiding the office downstairs because of Nick. I really don’t want to engage with him a whole lot anymore. I appreciate having a job, having a car, having an apartment, a kitty.. and being able to maintain that.. but I don’t do well with dishonesty, or being duped.
I’m starting to feel better about things again. I’m not sure why I’ve been having so many ups and downs. I know that it has to do with Tyler a little bit. I start moving on, and then I get really sad again. Right now I’m okay, though. I just need to stop checking his social media.
My Aunt Audra was apparently in the hospital last night because she thought she was having a heart attack. She wasn’t, praise be. Still scary. Life is so unexpected at times. Hug your loved ones and tell them you love them.
I downloaded a hack for Pokemon Go. It’s decent but it keeps freezing, which is unfortunate.
I’m also over the fact that we aren’t getting paid 41k like I thought we were going to. I like my coworkers, my job, and I’m getting a pretty big office. So that’s awesome.
Life will always throw curve balls, it’s up to you to hit them or just be content being a part of the team.
So many emotions. Happy, sad, angry, apathetic. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Friday I found out that I won’t be getting the raise I thought I was going to get. My sister told me that maybe it is a sign that I’m meant to be with Tyler in Seattle. I would like to reject that notion, but I’m still struggling to get over him. He, on the other hand, is adding cute boys in Seattle and hasn’t tried to communicate with me once. He didn’t want the same thing as me.
I’m still trying to decide what it is I want to do in terms of my job. I’m really infuriated by the whole situation.
Blake and I are getting better, to an extent. Ups and downs. Per usual. I think we are learning how to be in a relationship again. Life is hard.
I think an unfair thing that the mind does is that it forgets the pain that you’ve experienced in the past. Like, thinking back I was tempted to say “I was so happy last fall.” Sure, there were highlights like getting promoted and .. other things? I guess. But I was also dealing with Blake’s complete breakdown.
Life isn’t as great as I’d like to pretend it is. There will always be positives and negatives, though.
I have been in a really excellent mood lately. However, I’ve also realized that my sex drive is basically non-existent. Which is sad. I think moving on would be easier if I was more horny and wanted other folks, but I haven’t even been waking up with morning wood which is weird. Usually, I do. I contacted my doctor, so hopefully something happens.
Speaking of medical issues, I still haven’t had my embarrassing issue taken care of. Hopefully soon. The last treatment wasn’t as intense.
I’m back in the old office I worked in. That’s kind of nice. I like the bigger office, and having my own space. Plus I can skip out whenever.
SLURPEE DAY. PARTY.
This weekend was so chill. Like.. max chill. Friday we went to the concert and I fell a little bit more in love with Brendon Urie. Panic and Weezer were both great. Blake was a dick in the beginning, but he came around once we were there. Anxiety kills him and me at the same time.
Saturday and Sunday consisted of Guild Wars 2 and Pokemon Go. It’s great how many people are digging Pokemon. Love love love.
This weekend was great at some points, terrible at others.
Friday night we went to The Dunes. A gay resort in Saugatuck. Initially, I was excited for the all around sluttiness that could potentially ensue, but I honestly don’t think I’m about that life. I made out with a few people, but that’s it. No visits to the woods for anonymous nonsense.
Blake was a total train wreck on Friday. I think part of it may have been my fault for bringing up what he did the previous time we hung out with Ryan. Plus, he doesn’t really like Ryan. That being said, he needs to kind of own his crazy. I can’t take the blame for his crap. He sulked the entire night and kind of ruined it.
Ryan got mad because we didn’t have a bed for him. Like, uh? You didn’t pay for the room you knucklewit. Plus he just ghosted in the middle of the night, how the hell was I to know where he was? #OverIt
Saturday was much better. We laid by the pool in the morning until Zach left. Afterwards Blake and I went downtown and that was much more our speed. I think we are just an old couple. That’s okay, though.
Sunday we left early and headed to Oval Beach. Beautiful beach, but I was tuckered out from the sun the day before.
Monday I just played Guild Wars all day. Literally.