June 13, 2016

Orlando is hitting me a bit harder today.
I grew up with some hateful peers, but most welcomed my true identity. I felt comfortable enough to take my boyfriend to my senior prom only to be called faggot and queer when we slow danced.
My family is outstanding and 100% supports me, and I sometimes take that for granted. Yet, I’m still scared at the thought of one day inviting my entire family to a same-sex wedding because I’m not sure folks would come.
I have grown to strongly dislike public displays of affection, but I think that is strongly linked to the fact that I’m scared to do it myself.
While I was moved by the number of posts I saw yesterday around Orlando, I also recognize that some folks (not on my friend’s list) were applauding the shooter for dealing some religious justice for sinning.
I typically try to focus on the positive when I’m in a crappy situation, but it is incredibly important to remember both sides.
There is so much work to do for the LGBTQ+ community. We were just allowed to legally wed last year, but some are being denied access to use the restroom while others are being attacked in a safe place. There is so much work to do, and it highlights the need for true allies. 
Friday was fun, but it made me realize some things. Brett came home with us and I had every intention of just cuddling and kissing but it escalated quickly. Not to the point of full intercourse, but everything short of.. Which was fun and fine, but it made me realize the significance of love. I didn’t love Brett, I loved Tyler. He’s gone, though. I need to move on.
Saturday was a lazy day and I just sat on my arse watching Awkward all day. I did manage to go to the gym, but that’s about it.
Sunday was everything I needed. I went to the arb by myself to do some reflection and take in nature. It truly helped. I picked up a rock and that rock was so significant of everything in my life. It was dull looking at first, but had shimmery parts. Blake was my rock. As I was carrying the rock, I saw flowers and thought how beautiful they were. They were Tyler. Eventually flowers fade while the rock will endure. Love endures. I told you, right?
Blake and I walked around Sunday afternoon and just hung out. I need to get better at cuddling and what not.

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