May 23, 2016

I continue to go back and forth on whether or not I should truly call it quits with Blake. I just read one of my old posts about how love endures even through trials and tribulations. I also think of the Facebook picture I see on occasion talking about how an old couple that had been together for so long was asked how they managed to do it as it seems like every marriage is ending in divorce, and they say “We came from a generation when something was broken you fixed it, you didn’t throw it away.”

I suppose that’s fair. I am thinking of things in terms of a car now. Let’s say you spend years and years pouring gas and resources into this car, you love it, you have. However it starts overheating and shakes on occasion. You could take it to the mechanic and get it fixed, or you could go get a new car with fantastic features. Sure, down the road it might start overheating or could just stop working completely.. but that’s a possibility with your current car, too.

I think this is so hard because we are living together, and because I’ve grown accustomed to a certain way of living.. and without him it will be very difficult to maintain that. I’m not that attracted to him anymore. But what is attraction when you can be open? I don’t know what to do.

He kissed Luke on Friday, one day after we broke up. That’s not really taking into consideration my feelings and kind of illustrates our relationship.

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