April 27, 2016

My friend put it to me like this:

If person A and Person B sign a contract together and then later on Person A wants to change the contract, while Person B can agree to the changes, they are not morally obligated to do so and they have every right to deny the changes A wants to make.

So very true. When we first got together, we all agreed that we were only interested in being with one another and not with other people. At that point my action was out of jealousy because Tyler had just joined our relationship, but after 1.5 years I am reconsidering. I enjoy the rush and thrill of falling for someone all over again, physical acts are not as important but I enjoy the chase and being chased. Tyler didn’t sign up for this.

With that being said, I didn’t sign up for a relationship where we weren’t all being together either. His anxiety prevents him from enjoying all three of us together, which thus causes relationship stress.

Do I love him? You bet. I wouldn’t be considering moving across the country if I didn’t. I’m quite content with him and Blake. Do I love our dynamics? Eh, that’s where it gets complicated. I’m incredibly frustrated with our sex life and I think that is in main part because of his anxiety. Not being able to do things as a group has made our relationship is interesting. We have great times one on one, I’m definitely not complaining there. I just miss group sex, especially when drunk.

So, do I move across the country for a relationship dynamic I’m not in love with and bid adieu to my glory days? Or do I stay in my comfort zone where everything is peachy and go back to chasing random guys around. That’s what I’m grappling with.


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