February 29, 2016

This weekend was rough. I was only able to get through it because of my incredible family and two amazing men.

My sister was hospitalized early Saturday morning. I don’t think there is anything more frightening than waking up to a phone full of missed phone calls. My sister’s blood sugar was over 500. Normal blood sugar is between 70-90. Her pH was a six, and the average is 7.41. The doctors said she was pretty close to dying.

I don’t know what I would have done without my sister. I take her for granted, and I realize that. I just always assumed she would be there, that she would be the person I could lean on when things got tough or uncomfortable. She was one of the first people I told I was gay, she was one of the first people that I told about my polyamorous relationship. She is catty, but she loves me and supports my decisions. I need to make more time for her, and invite her down more.

Saturday evening, after taking Nana home, I hung out with Brody. It was kind of awkward, but I enjoy his company. We played smash for a while and had a few beers, well he had cider.

Sunday we found out that Blake’s grandfather had passed away. I didn’t know him too well, but Blake seemed pretty upset by it. I mean, I would be. His dad might not even be able to go because he has chemo all week. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t go to my dad’s funeral.

I’m lucky to have such an amazing support system.

Strange Dream

Last night I had a very strange dream. It was a bit of a mixture of various things that currently hold my interest: Pokemon, Nurse Jackie, Guild Wars, and Deadpool.

The dream started with me heading to an airport. The airport was incredibly large and people were forced to take a bus to each gate. Once I was through security, I hopped on the bus but ended up having to get off because of a sudden urge to use the restroom. Once I was finished, I headed back to the bus stop. I checked my watch and started freaking out because my flight was set to depart in 20 minutes and I hadn’t made it to my gate yet. I waited a few more minutes and then grabbed a taxi. The interesting thing about the taxi was that it looked similar to the car from Despicable Me. Mainly in size, it was globular and you had to climb stairs to get to the seat. The fair was 25 cents and I had to charge it to a debit card because I never carry cash or coin.

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I arrived at this strange location that was part living space and part medical setting. I started in the medical setting, locked in a room. I wasn’t sure why I was there, but at one point I saw Akalitus (Nurse Jackie) outside a window. She was just shaking her head at me. Shortly after I broke out and ran towards the living quarters. As I ran, I noticed graffiti on the walls. Outside of the room I was confined to were two eyes.

Once I got to the living quarters, I met up with my friends and I’m assuming my boyfriend by the feelings I remember having. My boyfriend was Sam (Nurse Jackie). He was there with someone he claimed to be his girlfriend. We started talking, and challenges were brought up. In the living quarters, there were eight challenges. Then, Colby Melvin, who was also apparently there, said I wouldn’t be able to do one because I needed a jock strap, as he snapped his against himself. I pulled down my shorts slightly to show him that I was wearing one. He trimmed me slightly and then we started doing the challenge.

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Sam from Nurse Jackie

We all got in trouble for doing that challenge, and Colby was punished by having a razor scraped against the skin above his bum. It was a bit terrifying.

In the living quarters there were two surrounding areas. The first looked like Guild Wars as there were huge tree monsters that roamed around, and it was very dangerous. The second was a barren maze that had a raging sandstorm that would kill you if you were caught in it. The sandstorm changed paths, and the maze changed every day so it was incredibly difficult to get out. Sam and I were by the barren land, and he relayed that he was pretending to have a girlfriend so he could fly under the radar and better escape.

We walked into the barren land with another guy, and a troop of soldiers walked by. As they walked by we realized they were navigating the maze by following lamp posts that would light up. Quickly, however, the other guy reached for the lamp post and touched it. As soon as he touched it, all the lights in the area began flashing and the guy’s face melted off. Sam and I took off running. I think they took Sam to the medical side, so I ran back towards it to find him.

I looked for the graffiti of the two eyes and ran into the room where I was held. I ran to the window and looked and saw Akalitus again with a few other people. She was shaking her head, I pulled the window out slightly and she said “You picked a horrible time to come back.” I was confused, but suddenly I remembered that I had left the door open. I ran over to it and pulled it shut. As I did, someone was trying to pull it open. I adjusted myself in case they had bullets, and held on tightly. After some time, they gave up. I ran out and as I did, I looked and realized that staff were scrubbing off the graffiti.

As I ran back to the living quarters, I headed downstairs to a place that was not accessible before. This area was apparently for the rejects and problematic folks. I recognized that my friend Connor from Canada was down there. I continued into this room where there were eight people in these alcoves. Sam walked into the room and said that each person had committed one of the eight cardinal sins. Another guy walked into the room, and Sam started torturing one of the eight. I picked up a gun and tried to shoot him to stop him, but the other guy jumped in the way. Then the guy started chugging gasoline and spitting it everywhere. That way if I shot him again he would explode (logic? Idk). So I ran out of the room and then I woke up.

February 22, 2016

I left early on Thursday because I was not feeling well, and then didn’t come in on Friday. This means that I missed New Beat Happening’s event. I was a little sad about it because I was curious to see how it turned out, but I was so congested it wasn’t that disappointing that I had to stay home.

I played Guild Wars all day on Friday and Saturday which was nice, and with the help of Flonase I was feeling 90% better on Saturday. I was a bit stir crazy because Blake had a baby shower and then work, and Tyler had a funeral and then was spending time with his family. I decided that I wanted to do something Saturday night, so Tyler and I went to aut.

It was actually pretty fun, not too hectic. Tyler kept getting hit on because he’s gorgeous, which is understandable but I start to feel a bit self-conscious. We met a few dental students.. Megan, Kelsey, and Aaron. They all seemed pretty nice. Megan is engaged, but then her and Kelsey made out. Aaron questioned our intelligence since we didn’t major in a science around whether or not we would know anything about PrEP. Whatevs.

Sunday was nice and relaxing. Blake, Tyler, and I went to Giardino’s and just had a nice lunch together.

February 16, 2016

I have to write something today because yesterday was kind of awful. Not that awful, but there were a few things that went wrong.

First, I was supposed to go to a happy hour with some colleagues but they all backed out last minute. This is understandable, and honestly I wasn’t that upset. Things come up, not really a big deal.

Second, my throat started hurting and is currently still not enjoyable. That’s okay, though.

Third, I was using the toilet and leaned back against the part that holds the water and it cracked all the way down the middle. So, basically, pants down I start hearing water pouring and I’m like what the mess? So I turn around and it is just pouring onto the freaking bathroom floor. I reach back to turn off the water valve, but it doesn’t really stop it. So I run to the closet to grab some towels. I think I used like 6 or 7 towels. Annoying. I called the apartment complex and he basically asks me if I can fix it. At this point, I’m kind of livid. Mainly because the water valve wouldn’t turn off and I couldn’t get the pipe to disconnect from the toilet. He said he would have a new toilet in today, so on the bright side we get a new toilet.

Just not feeling work today. At all.

February 15, 2016

I feel like I’m not writing as often as I should, but I’m pretty content writing at least one post per week. Not too much is happening in my life that I feel the need to reflect on it.

I’ve started drinking Kombucha, which is a bit weird. It is pleasing to my taste buds, and to my digestive tract. I am drinking one this morning that has algae in it. Hah. I had my first last week, and have been digging it.

Friday afternoon I went to look at a trailer with Blake. Tyler couldn’t attend because he was busy working on homework that he had put off all day. We walked in and it instantly reminded me of home. Well, my old home. The walls were purple though, and the bedrooms were far too tiny to fit our beds. It’s a shame because it was only $7000, but with lot rent and what not it just didn’t make sense at this time.

We went to Necto Friday evening to see Max and Mrs. Kasha Davis. It was decent, but pretty empty. I blame the mediocre talent and the freezing temperature. I still had fun with Ryan, Arban, Blake, and Tyler.

Saturday we went to Blake’s family and spent some time there. We saw Deadpool and I have to say it was probably one of my favorite super hero movies. It was crass and hilarious. Blake really loved it, and I think Tyler did too.

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We didn’t do a whole lot Saturday evening, but that was nice.

Sunday we came back to Ann Arbor and went to Chili’s for Valentine’s Day. Afterwards, we went to Petco to look at the pets. We considered getting a cat, and even filled out paperwork for Luna but then she attacked Blake’s boot and we decided she just wasn’t a good fit.

After the gym, we had some sensual time together. Twas nice.

February 8, 2016

This weekend has been stressful, but completely relaxing. Stressful in terms of my relationship. I feel like navigating Tyler’s anxiety and Blake’s depression is just so difficult. When worrying about both of them I often wonder when am I going to worry about myself, my well-being. Then, when I do think of it, I feel as though I’m being self-centered. What nonsense is that?

I have decided to not pursue a friendship with Kyle or Chase. I debated whether or not deleting them on Facebook and eventually decided to do it. I am a human being, and deserve respect just as anyone else. If you don’t understand that, then I will not have a desire to pursue conversing with you. It bums me out because I thoroughly enjoyed my interactions with Chase, but whatever.

Friday was fairly fun. I hung out with Arban, Angela, Vicky, Cree, and Matt. Tyler and I went with all of them to Necto and actually danced. It was nice.

February 5, 2016

My self confidence has been low as of late. I think I’m just overthinking things and getting in my head.

  • Chase hasn’t said one word to me since Saturday of last week. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but we had been chatting fairly regularly for two weeks and then all of the sudden there was just a sudden halt. It makes me think I’m not worth talking to, which I know isn’t the case.
  • My coworkers had a get together for a colleague that we all worked with last night but I wasn’t invited. Kind of hurt my feelings.
  • The Humans of New York event is moving forward but I’m just not sold on it, and I feel like it is only moving forward so quickly because some folks feel like they have something to prove but in my opinion it is just proving their incompetence.
  • Furthermore, the event was just moved to a day when I am already having an event. Just frustrating.

I’m trying to do more pay it forward stuff, but I don’t know how it is working. Maybe because I’m being intentional about it, it means less. I just donated some money to Blake’s cousin’s gofundme because she already has MS and was just diagnosed with cancer. I also just bought my sister a ticket to a country singer she really likes, and she is super excited.

Positive energy into the environment will bring some back, right? Maybe?

February 1, 2016

I cannot believe it is February. Well, really, I can. I feel like January is the longest month of the year. You just had an excellent break from work, you spent time with those you love, and then you have to come back to your routine. I love my job, so it isn’t that big of a struggle but still hard to get back in the swing of things.

I guess I did not realize how depressed I was, or the way that it was affecting me. I happily volunteer in class now, I have no fear of it like I did previously. Additionally, I can listen to people eat now. It is still irritating, but not to the point of getting incredibly frustrated.

I struggle with people not being nice. When I put in effort to be your friend and you think it is optional to respond to messages it just irritates me. Like, if it is annoying then let me know so I can move on. I don’t want to be annoying but living in limbo is not ideal and I absolutely hate it. I’d rather you tell me straight up that you don’t want to be my friend, or that I’m coming on too strong.

I’ve also been feeling pretty flirty lately, which I’m not sure why. I think I’m craving the attention because of my insecurities.