Life is strange. In a good way, though.
Tyler, Blake, and I celebrated our 1 year and three month anniversary.. by being together. No fancy dinner or anything. I feel a little bad because I feel like Tyler doesn’t get the fun things/experiences that you get in a relationship. Not really fair to him.
I’m trying to make friends. I’m actually hanging out with Talley this evening, and I’ve been chatting with a few guys in hopes to be their friend. Chase is a bit annoying because he acts like his boyfriend, but perhaps I’m a bit too much. Perhaps.
I really don’t want to go to class on Sunday, especially because it is super long.. but what can I do?
This weekend was interesting. We didn’t do a whole lot, mainly because a cold sore decided to pop up on Friday. I’ve been trying to get rid of it since. I took some Valtrex, and have been taking vitamin c and aspirin. Hopefully it is gone soon. I hate having to show up to work with it because 1) everyone will know I have it, and 2) I hate when people stare.
We had more conversations this weekend as a whole. Still unsure of where we are as a whole. It just seems like we all three want something different, but I think that is probably pretty typical of any relationship but it may be a bit different, too. Everyone is so touchy but they are both terrible at communicating and it is incredibly frustrating.
We bought tickets to see Panic At The Disco and Weezer. It should be fun.
Here’s hoping that the cold sore disappears soon and that our relationship figures itself out.
Life is funny. I’ve been chatting with Kyle’s boyfriend Chase for the past few days. We are now Snapchat friends and he actually became my number one which upset Tyler. Tyler didn’t say this until today, but I eventually coaxed it out of him. Apparently it was because of the double standard.
With that being said, the double standard existed because I thought Tyler and Kyle had gone on a date prior to us dating and that he still had feelings for him. I just found out yesterday that they actually never went on a date, but he actually went on a date with a different Kyle. So, basically, I got upset over that for no reason but it was because of miscommunication.
Anyhow, I don’t think Kyle likes me at all because he hasn’t replied to any of my messages. I enjoy chatting with Chase, but I rather just avoid any awkwardness in my life so maybe it would be better if we weren’t friends. No idea.
I’m exhausted. I could not fall asleep last night at all. I would for an hour, or maybe an hour and a half, but then I would wake up. Terrible. I’m in such a fog at work today, and the later part of my day is all meetings. I’m sincerely hoping that I do not have to go to New Beat’s meeting tonight, I’m already bitter that I have to give up some of my lunch.
Yesterday was good, like happy good. I went to the store after work with Blake and Tyler and was goofing off like I used to. I felt light and happy, it was nice. Luckily most things were 10/10 which is nice since it was my turn to buy groceries.
We got home and put away groceries, and then Tyler and I got ready for the gym. I wasn’t feeling it. I did less than a mile on the treadmill, and did arms.. that was about it. Then I tanned, which I’m wondering if that messed with my ability to fall asleep.
After that, we came home and I watched Zoo in the bedroom. It seems pretty interesting, but a little intense.
The past few days have been interesting. On Friday, we went to Necto. We had Jerry over for a little bit before because Blake wanted him to teach him how to do drag make-up around his eyes. It turned out pretty neat. They were taking forever, though, so Tyler and I took an uber downtown.
It was packed. I mean, Katya was there, but still, packed.
Tyler’s ‘friend’ Kyle was there with his partner. His partner seems super nice, but Kyle didn’t seem particularly interested in talking to us. That’s okay though. Not everyone has to like me. I struggle with it, though. I start making up reasons as to why someone wouldn’t like me.
Saturday was pretty lazy. I went to the gym, played Guild Wars, and went to Culver’s with Tyler.
Sunday was even more lazy. Just gym so far.
It is still strange to write 2016, but that usually lasts until March. The past few days have been interesting.
I chatted with Blake and Tyler about my discontent with our relationship. Blake said he would make more of an effort to be present because he often shuts himself up in a room and doesn’t engage with Tyler or I. After that, Blake also brought up that he would like to be more open. Tyler was not about this, at all. I can’t say I blame him, but I just want to be cognizant of the idea of polyamory and how we are conceding to the fact that loving one other person does not make your love any less intense so what does it mean if you vehemently oppose this? Just interesting to think about.
Blake met with his psychiatrist yesterday. She put him on lithium because he was having so many manic episodes. I hope this works, but I’m scared. Scared because this is the same path that Grant went on before terrible things happened in his life.
I’m almost to level 80 with my ranger in Guild Wars, so that’s exciting. I think Tyler is getting bored because I don’t play with him on it, because I’m so focused on leveling up my character. I should make more of an effort to play with him.
Blake took some pictures of Tyler and I, and I really liked them. One of them received over 100 likes on Facebook, which is just outrageous to me.
This weekend was fantastic. I did absolutely nothing worthwhile, and I was able to just sleep in and play video games. It was nice.
I was thinking last night and this morning about how much my current relationship has changed. It started with all three of us cuddling on the couch which rarely happens anymore. We connect individually, either Blake and I, Tyler and Blake, or Tyler and I. Rarely is it all three of us spending time together, and I’m not entirely sure why that is. I’d like to change it though.
I also want to spend more time with my family. I realize that my grandparents will not always be here, nor will my parents. I should make more time to see them.
It’s nice to think that in a few months I will be done with school for a while, perhaps completely done unless I decide to pursue a PhD which I’m not sure that I will. We shall see.
I woke up early yesterday, like, six am early which in actuality isn’t really that early but it kind of felt like it. Anyhow, I got up to go to the gym. I hopped on the arc trainer and set the timer for 30 minutes but five minutes into it I was like.. no.. I can’t. So Tyler and I did some arms and shoulders. It was good.
Work picked up quite a bit yesterday. Students are back in and my calendar is filling up. My Twitter presence declined quite a bit yesterday, from 1000 impressions to less than 500. Still working on it, still growing my followers but I felt bad not participating in conversations. Then again, I need to make sure that I’m not feeling like I need to always be on because that’s not healthy.
I got to design a graphic for a program because my coworkers team didn’t submit the graphic request. I really enjoy graphic design and my coworker actually said, “Are you sure you shouldn’t be pursuing graphic design?” which was sweet. I’m not terrible at it, but I’m not good enough to make it my profession. Just a hobby, but isn’t it great that I get to incorporate it into my job?
After work I got to go home and spend some time playing Guild Wars which was nice to unwind. After that we went to Live to watch the Drag Wars show which was decent but the performers are not nearly as awesome as the ones in Chicago. Still enjoyable though.
After the staff photo and breakfast at Angelo’s the afternoon slowed way down. My mind is still adjusting to the transition to break (video games and Netflix) to sitting in front of a computer and working.
I think I’m doing okay in terms of developing my online presence. I’m taking the advice from the book on introversion I read – introverts are great at developing relationships one on one not through shouting through a megaphone. For that reason I’m trying to engage more by tweeting to people, and engaging in conversations.
The prozac seems to be working. Tyler was eating chips next to me last night and it didn’t bother me in the slightest, and I genuinely feel happier. It’s a bit strange. I still don’t want to go to class though, but I’m not sure anything prescribed can make me want to go. Especially since it is a law course.
I didn’t spend too much time playing Guild Wars last night. I just didn’t have much of a desire to. I just went to the gym and then watched RuPaul with Tyler. The gym was again packed, so I’m thinking I need to go late or early in the morning.
Speaking of Tyler, my coworker apologized for asking about him at work yesterday. I haven’t really told anyone about our relationship which isn’t necessarily fair to Tyler, but I really appreciated her stopping by to check in.
Work was fairly slow yesterday, mainly because our students are not back yet. I have decided that I am going to work on building my presence on Twitter, for what reason? I’m not entirely sure, I feel like it will be beneficial as I move forward in my professional career. #SAChat, amiright?
I got home and Blake ordered a pizza. It was actually pretty decent for being Dominos. Then he decided that he wanted to completely rearrange the living room. I actually like moving furniture, so I was about it.
The gym was mayhem, as I expected it would be the first Monday of 2016. I swear there was not an empty treadmill in the entire place. Darn healthy folks burning their calories. I mean, good for them and all but I also like working out without having to wait for someone.
We started Nurse Jackie last night and it was pretty good. I also bought Guild Wars 2 even though a City of Heroes game is coming out soon, too.